No, I’m not about to write a technical post about visual basic script or vanishing bee syndrome, so, sorry, if you’ve ended up here by a mistaken Google link-through.

I just though that if visible panty-lines can have their own abbreviation, why shouldn’t visible bra straps?

And now that it’s summer, bra straps are on view all around. It seems some women simply ignore the fact that their straps are visible, others tone or contrast their underwear and outerwear. Others opt for the inaccurately-named “tirantes invisibles” sold in the todo-a-cien stores. They’re definitely not invisible, even at a distance, as they’re made of plastic and glisten with sweat in the Spanish sunshine. (Or do they “merely glow”?)

Yesterday I queued at the market behind a woman in a snazzy “racing back” t-shirt whose bra straps – grey from many washings – were clearly part of a standard back fastening garment. At the time I wondered why she hadn’t bought a sports bra.

But now I read that she may have been sensible – studies show that crop-top sports bras don’t give enough support. And a story on today’s BBC website, claims that wearing the wrong bra could cause damage to breasts.

That in itself struck me as interesting. Then I read on and discovered all sorts of additional stuff. Like the fact that there’s a “breast biomechanics team” at the University of Portsmouth. Wow. Where do you sign up for that?

What’s more, the team seem to spend their time watching women’s breasts jiggling. Come to that, what guy at university – or indeed, elsewhere – doesn’t, if he gets the chance?

I also learned that the average breast weighs between 200 and 300 grams, and that the breast’s “fragile support structure” – the outer skin and connective tissues which is liable to be damaged by inadequate support – is known as Cooper’s ligaments. Presumably Cooper made good use of his time at university.

Apparently women’s breasts have been the focus of a lot of study – I think not only at Portsmouth – and it’s been found that each breast moves independently of the body in a 3D figure of eight. I’d suggest that some move in a 36DD figure of eight, but I’m probably prejudiced.

It’s been calculated that, during exercise, breasts move up to 21cm (a measurement which conveniently converts in other units to approximately two hands), up and down, in and out and side to side; so much so, that when a woman runs a mile, her breasts bounce some 135m.

It seems we may be better off wearing the traditional bra as it gives more “all round” support. Even if the straps do show.

Author: don't confuse the narrator

Exploring the boundary between writer and narrator through first person poetry, prose and opinion

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